Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
