Have you finally orgasmed yet?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
