She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
