Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
