just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
