kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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