I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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