You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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