How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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