You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
