He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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