I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
