I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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