I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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