Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
