i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
