This is not my ceiling
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
