what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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