He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
