How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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