guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
