I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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