The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
