My nipple is on Facebook.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
