I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
