the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
