so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
