PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
