Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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