A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
