dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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