I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
