You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
