I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
