I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just crazy horny about you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
