Who wears a wallet chain?!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
