Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
