So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
