Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
