I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
