i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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