I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
