If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
