we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
