$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
