I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
