i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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