So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
