My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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