His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
