I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
His nipple licking is glorious
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