she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
