found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
