I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
