That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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