Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ttyl tear gas
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
