i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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