Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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