highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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