Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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