once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
