never play flip cup with pint glasses
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
