I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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