WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
