My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
did you just send me my own nude
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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