Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
