I heard we made out
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
