I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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