Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
