my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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