a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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