when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.