and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He did a backflip because drugs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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